Looked like it was time to do what I had spent my life avoiding – balancing the chakras. All my fear created a whirlpool of vomit balls in my stomach. Just where you will say your gut is, also called as the divine gut /intuition. I was always feeling this urge to vomit but no vomit came out ever. That was my fear, negative emotions permanently treating my chakra as their home. With all the past blockages I had, I could not find one reason that I will not find my solar chakras not blocked, The first thing was acceptance.
ACCEPTANCE
What is it?
How one accepts that I am stupid. Strange but it was easy for me. No issues calling myself a coward, stupid. I had no sense of self-worth or self-love. I was happy to accept myself stupid. It took me a week, which I fondly remember as THE YELLOW WEEK.
I started reading about the solar plexus. The more I read about it more it made sense to me. My meditation master Rosa asked me to chant mantras. & I did.
I visualized a yellow gold ball in my stomach area exactly at the solar plexus. What happened? I saw the light was dim yellow, flickering. Anyone could have told me looking at that it is not giving away light at all. Like the one, we keep around our nightstands while sleeping.
I shared this with Rosa and she told me to potentiate that light till it glows brightly.
This was the most difficult thing I had experienced in my life.
Giving voltage/power to a ball in your spine is difficult. You need the visualization, letting go of the control you think you have on your body through your senses. I imagined my soul sitting in front of me. The color of my soul naturally came to me as a white sparkling body you see in those sci-fi movies. Like if a bolt of lightning had a body it would be me.
My soul felt like it too.
I felt unstable like a thunderstorm, unsure where I will create chaos. No control over my emotional flow.
My soul was sitting sparking in between – buzz buzz {I’m dramatic}
BEING SPIRITUAL AND BEING LUCKY
It was not rocket science for me to discover that the intention of using a spiritual path has nothing to do with materialistic gains. You do not just get lucky because now you are meditating. You are not trading with the supreme power. Being close to God does not mean a nice job, a nice car, and new clothes. Kindly go beyond that. I found my truth beyond it. Of course, I did not leave my patients or my work to find my truth. It is not feasible when you have responsibilities and it requires a certain level of sacrifice, which I was not willing to do. I wanted to be a mother while being close to God. I wanted to be a wife while being close to my truth. Already a daughter, a sister .and a daughter in law and a sister-in-law. I did not want any more relationships to find my truth. I wanted to find the truth in my existence and after a few experiments; I found that IT IS POSSIBLE.
Do not be a monk who sold his Ferrari
Be a monk who does not detach but is still a monk by nature.
Be a monk who is not giving up on whims and fancies and takes a path that renounces the existing life
Be a monk who is still a monk when your spouse is fighting or when your children are irritating or being just children.
I discovered peace amidst the chaos of my life. I found contentment amidst competition. I found my truth amidst manipulations and the touches of sarcasm.
I discovered my inner feminine energy amidst my unbalanced masculine.
I do not look like a person who is wearing a saint uniform but I can confirm that over the months I find no urge to fight or state my point when someone disagrees.
